I’ve Decided to Stop Hiding

I don’t really know where to begin with this, or if I even really want to share this, but I’m going to give it a shot because I better understand why it is so important to be obedient when God is calling you to do something. I’ve been having recurring thoughts about the lessons I’ve learned over the past five years, and how if I don’t apply what I’ve learned, I will continue to repeat this vicious cycle that I’ve been living in.

A post I came across while I was doomscrolling on Instagram confirmed it.

Maybe it was the algorithm doing what its supposed to do, but the point stands on its own.

There is so much tied to our obedience to God. Lives can change, chains can be broken, healing can take place and dreams can come true. On the flip side, if we don’t do what God is urging us to do, there are real consequences - in our lives and in the lives of others.

A short backstory

I’ve always known that I was born to use my voice.

My first dream was to become an author and that dream carried me through my childhood and pre-teen years. When I began to seriously consider what I wanted to spend my life doing, I decided that I wanted to become a Public Relations practitioner and went on to study mass communication (PR, journalism, broadcasting, advertising) in college.

My interests, passions, skills and values have led me to where I am today, and I know just how far I can go. Here’s what the issue is – I’m not going to get there by continuing to hide.

Before I became a mother, I had very few real fears outside of common life-threatening ones. I went after the things I wanted without second guessing myself too much and even though I cared more than I should have about what people thought of me, I didn’t let those thoughts (of what they were thinking) get inside my head.

Becoming a mother came with a realization that I never ever thought of, or could have thought of.

Me pregnant with my first son sometime in early 2017

The day I learned I was pregnant with my first child was the day that I lost the ability to just think for and about myself.

I wish I would’ve known that would happen so that I could have prepared my mind for it, but you don’t know what you don’t know. *shrug* Plus, every woman’s mothering journey is unique to her, so it’s not something you often hear in standard advice for moms-to-be.

No longer having “freedom of thought” as I would describe it, would impact my life outside of motherhood.

I became more “logical” in my aspirations and counted myself out of certain possibilities because of my new responsibilities and expectations as a mother, on top of all the other barriers I was facing. Over time, I also lost my confidence and I’m still trying to unpack exactly what the root of that is. Imposter syndrome maybe? I always had people affirming me and cheering me on, my husband being my #1 cheerleader, so it wasn’t that I didn’t have support. I just became afraid of literally everything.

Afraid of judgment.

Afraid of neglecting my child for my own selfish reasons, or being a bad mom.

Afraid of leaving Mississippi.

Afraid of being a statistic.

Afraid of failing…

Fear became a stronghold in my life and a major stumbling block to my progress because it led to procrastination, seeking perfection, overthinking, overworking and a lot of other things I can’t put a word to.

No more hiding

I’ve been through some very rough seasons and although I’ve had a part to play in them, God was using them to get me to where I am now. I was hiding from who I already know I’m supposed to be and if I don’t stop, I’m going to continue to go through that cycle of highs and lows.

As I’ve slowly started to show up again on social media and make a real effort to get out of the house and attend events, the results are immediate!

It’s like every step I take, God increases the success of my effort two fold. I could be having a thought and making a note to reach out to a someone one day and by the end of the week, before I even reach out, they’re walking in front of me at the homecoming tailgate! (This really happened twice.)

God continues to show me that I’m on the right path and hearing His voice correctly and I know the next step is to come out of hiding. I’ve been sitting on a lot of content, ideas and contributions that I want to make to my local community.

It recently dawned on me, like I said at the beginning of this post, that hiding blocks so much good from happening.

Not that those good things rely on me, it’s that God wants to do those good things through me.

It’s not all about me, although I will benefit in many ways, but it’s about what God wants to do for other people and how my life and testimony will inspire someone else to surrender to God and His will for their life.

At Third Space JXN’s second meetup at Old Capitol Inn in Downtown Jackson

Here’s to my next season, where my mindset and actions match my potential. I’m not really afraid this time because I’ve already dealt with the consequences of giving in to fear. I don’t want to pay that cost anymore. I’d much rather trust God and go where He leads me. And right now, it seems to be back to writing and creating content, but with a greater purpose this time.

Thank you for being part of the journey.